Bidding on Ebay

As my little ones birthday approaches I have been trying to be thrifty in the ways I am obtaining some of her birthday presents. In part this is due to me taking longer off work than we previously had planned, so the belt is not only being tightened in our house, it's well and truly being squeezed.

Isabella is now venturing into the world of nearly walking. Yes it won't be long, she is standing straight up and sitting back down quite at will. Careering around the living room with her Vtech walker and banging into me, the couch, the wall, pretty much everything and protesting if she is not walked around constantly. Very tiring for the back you know.

So, I have decided she needs things to get her mobile and moving, mainly to keep her busy and me sane. Not a sit in walker as that seems a bit late and in her case dangerous. Obviously the park is free but it's not in my back garden. By the way she still thinks grass is evil stuff put upon this planet just to upset her. I do hope she grows out of it. I have yet to try her on sand, I can't imagine what  a kerfuffle we'll have then. I blame Steve my partner. Brought up by the beach he hates sand and sea, prefering to be indoors. His parents said he never liked the grass or sand when he was little. How can this be? Oh Lordy!

This has led me to the world of E-bay, what an intruiging yet dark and desolate place. I started watching things, I have now stopped watching things, I started bidding on things, I kept bidding on things. I can definately say if I keep this up I may need help, but phew I have recognised I have a problem already. Thank goodness for self will and discipline of ones own mind. Just a minute I've just got to check on the slide i'm bidding on. Aaaah see isn't she pretty.

A Special Day

Only one month to go and I have been thinking about my little ones big day, Isabella will be a big round fat one! Well her age will she is more of a slight petite thing really. Of course we are buying her presents and having a cake, we weren't sure quite how to celebrate this day or what the done thing is. Well we've decided to invite a few relatives but that's all. Issy won't mind she won't even know and I'm all for low key. It is going to be stressful enough in the future when she wants pony rides and bouncy castles and well you think of it and I'm sure she'll want it, whether she gets it that's of course another story. So for now it's going to be a nice but quiet affair. We do get to have a little party that way and it won't just slip by like nothing has happened. Lets cross our fingers for a sunny day so we can have a barbecue.

On another slant regarding her birthday. The day she arrived last year. The day my life changed forever. I have found a few things that relate to her birthday for fun. So here they are:

A special day: 30th  April                                                                                                                                                                 

On this day:

1958: Anne Frank's Diary was first published in English
1982: Kirsten Dunst, American actress, was born
1995:Bill Clinton became the first American President to visit Northern Ireland

Horoscope

Taurus is the second sign of the zodiac. It runs from 21 April to 21 May. It is an Earth sign, represented by the Bull

Characteristics of Taurus : Affectionate, Reliable, Ambitious, Practical & Patient

Birthstone (Modern)

Diamond

Birthstone (Mystical)

Opal

Birthstone (Ayurvedic)

Diamond

Birth Flower

Daisy

World Holidays

Emperor's Birthday in Japan

Saint's Day

Catherine of Siena - Patron Saint of Fire Prevention

So Issy shares the Emperor's birthday and has a Daisy for a flower. How cute!

Here is the link so you can have a look at your little ones special day trivia:
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/horoscopes/

Grass is evil stuff!

What a glorious day here in the Northern Hemisphere and in particular the North West region of the UK. The reason I mention it was so nice today was it allowed me to cut the grass and Isabella to move out into the garden for the first time since winter.

I had managed to cut the grass earlier while Isabella had been sleeping. You have never seen anything like it in your life. Lets just say my lawnmower is old but I'm reluctant to part with it as it's the one I got off my dad. It does make me sweat though as it's not the easiest beast to move around the garden.

The outcome of the hard work did have a pay off. Once Isabella was awake we ventured out onto my lovely lawn. I sat madam down and patted the grass showing her how lovely it was to be sat on grass and expected her just to crawl straight to me. Would Isabella touch the grass not on your nelly. She would put her hand clost to it and then pull away as if she'd been burned by a fire. How funny. I couldn't help laugh. She was so freaked out by this spikey evil green stuff. She would look at me and then at the grass.

Of course she'd never been out on grass before and I'd just plonked her on it expecting her to think it was ok. I thought well if I take your socks off you can feel it that way and that will be easier. To my astonishment as I did she lifted her legs in the air and just kept them there with her bottom on the grass. In a sort of Boat Yoga pose. What a sight to see. This little baby looking at me, holding her arms and legs up so as not to touch this evil green grass. It was so funny she wasn't upset just mystified by this stuff. I did eventually get her to touch it. I think we will try again tomorrow. We need a bit more work where grass is concerned.

You forget sometimes just how strange things must seem to a small baby when they come into contact with something new for the first time. I hadn't really given it a second thought but I suppose we have been in hibernation over the winter so why would Isabella have any idea about the feeling of grass. So many things to discover what a fabulous time we are going to have discovering them together.

Less is most definately more where options are concerned

Having a good life I believe is about making sure you have options for you and your family. That way if you don't like something you can change it. Even the worst position in the world can be changed if you look at things differently and see what can be done differently. Too many times do I hear people complain that they can't do this or they can't do that. Me included!

The blocker to change and creating options is our inability to be open to new ideas or alternatives. A while back when I was pregnant and it was probably the pregnancy that wasn't helping, I felt very trapped in a certain situation. I couldn't see how for the life of me I was going to get out of it and I couldn't stand it.

Getting trapped in one train of thought starts to rule your thought processes. You put up walls around this idea and hang onto it for dear life. What changed for me and gave me more clarity was firstly I stopped worrying. After all I was pregnant and I didn't want to harm my baby. I then stopped waiting and hoping for this one thing to happen that I felt would be the change I needed, we needed. Then I started to think and feel differently. I started to look at things that were not necessarily alternatives but completely different ideas. It was like someone had turned on a light in my mind, or opened the windows and knocked down the partition wall. That was the impetuous I needed. After that everything started to fall into place. It seemed like my luck had changed. Some people call this luck I now call it creating your own options. Forgive me for being a little fuzzy on the context but I am trying to explain the feeling and thought rather than the event.

So what I think you need to do to create more options is be able to let go of what you have now, the thoughts, ideas and even the material stuff to some extent. You also have to think more long term than short term. This was my real problem. What you have now isn't necessarily what you will have in the future, you might have more you might have less. When you don't care so much about the things then you give yourself many more options for the future. It truly is a case of less is more. Go knock down them walls!

Just another day

Today was just another day, but in a way it was a very different day. Not one that I will remember in the passing of time, but significant to me never the less. So, what happened today? Isabella's birthday, no that would be of great note. Sold my car, no again that will be forgotten in the future but I would love to have a four door, but alas that was not it. No, the note worthy thing that has happened to today is the selling of Isabella's moses basket. Sniff, wipe, blow.

Not usually a sentimental person for material things, for some reason the passing on of this one little thing has stuck in my throat and brought a tear to my eye. I suppose it will be like this with many little things that happen in our little ones lives. You often hear parents talk of small things as if they are great happenings and I like other people who previously did not have children, often wondered what on earth they were talking about. Today I realised. It is the passing of their little lives that mark the onward march of ours. Their growing up is our ever increasing getting older. Maybe this is the older woman in me coming out, maybe my perspective is way off slant. I imagine a seventeen year old doesn't feel quite the same, but I wouldn't want to bet. We want our children to grow up but at the same time, we want to keep them small and just for us!

So, off the moses basket went to a new home. The lady who picked it up said her daughter was being induced today. I shrinked a little at that comment my memory of being induced was rather a sore point, ouch! I hope the little one enjoys the basket as much as my little girl did, eventually, once she'd learnt to settle in it. Bye bye basket. Bye bye tiny baby!

Zumba Lumba and a lot of Numba

So in my fight to claim back my body and to some extent my mind as my soul has always been lost. Tonight is the night that I whisk myself off to Zumba for the very first time. It's one of those dance craze exercise things that has swept the nation. If you happen to not know what I'm talking about, where the heck have you been! I am well and truly jumping on the band waggon, hitchin' my skirts up and off we go, arriba arriba, oh sorry wrong country. I said I wouldn't do it, but I can't help myself my feet just want to dance and this at my age is the closest thing you get, my friends even say it's the closest thing to clubbing, one did say that's Body Jam, but as I told her, my body won't jam anymore.

I am writing this now because I don't think I will be able to type afterwards, I suspect even my fingertips are going to hurt. I definately know my back, legs and pardon me but my arse (gluteous maximus) is definitely going to have some sort of pain or even numbness. I will even go as far as to say that I am very very scared. This may sound a little melodramatic but I have since my back operation for a slipped disc some two years ago not as yet done anything remotely cardiovascular. I took up Yoga for a while does that count?

So my venture into the unknown will begin this evening with the reclaiming of a body not sure who's as mine will probably be losing a lot of water, mainly in the form of sweat. I do hope I can walk tomorrow; bending will probably not be an option. Adieu my friends until the morrow.

Snow Globes - what would be in yours?

In today's fast paced world the hustle and bustle is always with us. We move onto the next great thing the next new adventure, always looking what's around the next bend. We have to have something to look forward to and we can't wait for this or that.

Well not today, not for my little family, today we went for a walk to Tatton Park. It is Mothers Day after all. Our first Mothers day as a family and the day has just been the most wonderful day. I decided as my day that we would go to Tatton Park and have a walk. Sounds a little dull and yes to some it probably would be but to me it was bliss.

The three of us walked out into the middle of the park and then just sat on a small bench and looked out over one of the lakes. It was such a glorious day only slightly windy, just enough to keep you buttoned up but sunny enough to make you squint. We didn't say anything to one another we just sat and Isabella who is normally so wiggly and giggly seemed quite content to sit in between us. I could feel my bones relaxing under the bright Spring sun. Serenity was with us all and it felt good. I felt a huge surge of pride that I finally had my own little family. A smile spread across my face.

The moment was so perfect I just wanted to capture it in one of those little snow globes, yes I know it wasn't snowing so it would just be a glass globe, but you get the meaning. I could then take it home with me and keep this moment forever, then take it out and look at it when I needed a boost or wanted to be reminded of my perfect day. The day will be with me a long time it was such a perfect day. What would you capture in a snow globe if you could?

The simplest things

It's a fact, babies are creatures that can make you laugh and make you cry, probably just as quickly as they can themselves. You get such a thrill from the little things they do everyday. It is wonderful to be around them most of the time, but boy aren't you glad when they have that sleep.

One of my personal favourites and I know if you ask Isabella she will agree, is me lying flat on the floor on my back. She comes close up to my face and loves to stand there, usually slapping it. This makes Isabella squeal with joy every time. Don't need to do anything else, just lie there and her little face lights up with such joy and she has such a squealing giggling fit. If I'm feeling down which as you have guessed by now can be quite a bit, all I do is lie on the floor and she makes me laugh, simples.

I did, however, say that babies can make you laugh and cry just as quickly. One of the rather shall we put it interesting habits that is forming, is her lack of patience when food is being prepared for her. She will be playing happily then all of a sudden it's like someone flipped a switch. She races into the kitchen on all fours and then stands holding onto the drawer below where I am making her food, near the microwave if I'm honest. She will stand there holding on and just screams and cries. Of course right under your feet getting in the way to slow things up. Then once I sit her down to eat she has about five mouth fulls of food and then starts to shake her head in a clear NO fashion. She has obviously decided at that point that she no longer requires this food anymore. 'What's next Mummy, take it away', I can hear her saying in her head.

I at these more interesting times must hang onto the joy we had five minutes earlier when I was prostrate on the floor with madam lording it over me. Then simply laugh.

Melancholic

Think the teething is getting to me a little bit, lack of sleep an all that. So I apologise first, this is a little self indulgent today. However, the title in itself does make me laugh as it reminds me of the food program by Sophie Dahl, all she kept saying was melancholic, melancholic, so overused by the end of it, rather than feel down you were laughing out loud. Here's the link to the lovely Miss Dahls program if you care to have a laugh:

http://sophiedahl.com/food/bbc-delicious-miss-dahl

So, where is this taking us. Well back to a poem I wrote a long time ago called 'Passing Time' it was written with my mother in mind, but I feel it applies to myself a little more today:

Passing Time
I sit upon a softened plane
Amongst the gentle drops of rain
They slip and slide from dewy depths
From far beneath the stone it sweats

Away and fly, to brighter climes
Don't melt and fade unlike old times
Painfull cracks and crumbling walls
Does appear upon us all

A little farther, so far and wide
Within my heart the truth does hide
So, listen hard and you might hear
The falling of yet another tear
Another day turns to a year
Is it still true that i'm still here.

You know I think I have the answer it must be PMT. Oh well that's ok at least I know why i'm suffering from the blues. Watch out Steve (my partner) it's going to be a bumpy ride for a few days.

Sabotage. How do you do it?

Issy's head hits the mattress my brain goes into overload, ok what needs doing first. I have a small window of opportunity before she wakes up. Washing, cleaning, ironing, rush rush rush... Of course last on the list is sit down and have a cuppa. This, however, is the one you normally don't manage.

The reason being in one of your many other tasks you end up banging something or dropping something usually quite heavy and usually in the kitchen. Yes, you have just managed to sabotage any sit down you might have had in trying to do all your jobs in half an hour. I bet we all do it?

Waking the little one is one of my passtimes and no matter how often I think right i'm going to be careful I just can't help myself. I always do it. See you get clumsy from lack of sleep a well known condition in the trade called 'Baby Brain'.

Learning to sit down and not do anything is an art form and one I have yet to master. It was the same thing when she was a tiny baby. All I would hear people say is, 'you sleep when she sleeps'. Yeah 'cos someone else is going to rush in clean and tidy my house for me and make dinner. Not to mention how much the washing pile has grown since our little one has arrived. How many times do you hear yourself say, 'I have never done so much washing in my life?' So, sitting down or sleeping most of the time is not an option.

The other thing you have to master is getting them off to sleep in the first place. It's not so bad when they're a baby, they pretty much stay where you put them and do have regular sleeps. When they're a bit older like Issy say around 10 months, getting them to have a sleep is like trying to coax a scared kitten out of a tree. Furs up and they're hanging on for dear life. They also disagree with lying down in the cot, why lie down when you can stand. Also, they just don't want to miss anything or at least I know my nosey little girl doesn't. This small child during the day needs full on activity to tire her out or it's a no go.

Sleeping is a difficult thing to get right. Once you get that, I do think things start to feel like they are getting better. I certainly do or at least hope so. Until then i'm sure I will keep sabotaging myself. How about you?

Gravy anyone?

Feeding a child is a really tricky thing. Well I am finding at least. You never know how much they want. Are you giving them enough. Are they getting the right nutrients. That's just the start. Then you have to make sure you're giving them a wide range of tastes and textures. I could go on but won't, all I can say is it's a minefield.

At the moment madam is rejecting all home made produce. While at Nanny and Grandads we'd started to eat shepherds pie, chicken and rice and all manner of grown up meals. Of course smashed down into tiny tiny little pieces. We were doing smashing!  Nanny and Grandad said it was the Sainsbury's gravy that did the trick. (Low salt of course!)

Now back at home, I bought mince, chicken, fish and lots of vegetables and we started out great. Last week we were eating like a good un. This week we are mostly eating, not a lot. I am blaming the teeth. I have to blame something. It really does make you want to cry. For a number of reasons. Firstly my poor little baby isn't eating that much again. Secondly, I'm cooking this damn food and no one is eating it. Thirdly, is Grandads cooking better than mine. Well, don't answer that one I think we know the answer.

I have decided to revert back to the old tried and tested beef stew. We can eat it, madam can eat it. I know for definite she loves this. If this fails. I'm off to Sainsbury's to get the gravy.

On yer bike...

It's one of those momentous occasions today. I am going to get my bike out. To most people this of course is not momentous, but to me it is a day to be marked on the calendar. The reason behind this, well, my bike was a birthday present from my partner and a wonderful present at that. However, I've only managed to use it a couple of times since it's purchase. I got the bike Christmas time 2010 for my Birthday and using a bike in Winter isn't that easy.

Yes, it is my birthday at Christmas, the 27th so not really ever celebrated my birthday much as an adult as everyone is knackered by that time. Except of course my 40th had a great party for that one I celebrated it in November, I too like the Queen have an official birthday!

The other reason the bike hasn't been used much is that year I fell pregnant with Isabella and cycling can be a little difficult with a bump! It was definately not on the cards after that. Then came the new arrival. Then came the getting used to being a mum and not really focusing on being me.

Now I have started to think about getting fit again. The return to work is partly promting this and that I have eaten enough sweet things to sink a battle ship since Issy was born. I can definately say the bulge is winning the battle. It is time to fight back. I say be gone with you bulge on yer bike!

Dead arms and life in your hands!

When my partner and I first got our little bundle of joy home, I remember our first week. I don't know how we got through it, it was such a sleepless time, of course not for Isabella, but for us her parents. All she wanted to do was eat, sleep, carry out the odd bit of pooping and of course have cuddles. Us being new parents and being unsure of what on earth to do for this little being we would go round in circles trying to decipher which one of the four things would please her. The mid wives would say to you, oh yes you'll start to know each cry and what it means. Take it from me, I still go round in circles now trying to decipher what the crying means.

I remember our very first night, we put the moses basket next to the bed and lay our beloved little girl in it, would she settle, not on your life. We tried everything. Put a drop of milk on some old top of mine and laid her on that. Rocked her in our arms. Fed her over and over again. No, she wasn't having any of it. The only thing that settled her eventually was my partner lying face down on the bed with his hand draped in the basket. My poor partner had to sleep like that all night. I think he and his arm went so numb that it didn't matter to him in the end and he must have drifted off to sleep, dead arm an all.

I was breast feeding at the begining and that very first night I think she wanted feeding every half hour. Never having done anything like that before I really thought this was how it was going to be forever and I felt sick at that point. It was so intense and so demanding physically and emotionally that first night home. In the morning the mid wife arrived and when I opened the door she must have seen the look of pure terror on my face. On her way out. She said, "Shall I come back tomorrow".
I just said "Yes". There was no doubt we needed help, I needed help.

We had made it through the first night in our house with this little being and boy did we know she had arrived. I think half way through the first week I was still suffering quite badly with the breastfeeding. I remember sitting on the bed one night while she was feeding and just crying with the pain. It really was that bad. If my partner hadn't been such a great strength to me I do think I would have given up. After 10 days it started to get better. With the help from some cream, some cabbage and some strong will power, I managed to continue. Here is the link to the review I wrote on Amazon regarding Lansinoh Nipple Cream, it was a life saver.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3RIO67V8Y303B/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R3RIO67V8Y303B

The other intense memory I have of that first week was me sitting on my bed feeding Isabella and just holding her and crying again, why? Because I had such an overwhelming feeling of love for this small thing that I had never experienced before. Yes I loved my parents and of course I love my partner, but this was and is far beyond any of that. She was so fragile in my arms, the fragility of her and the raw emotion that she stared in me was more than I could bare. That feeling is always with me now, but that night it was right there on the surface and it felt amazing and terifying all at the same time. What a responsibility. Someone elses life in your hands, but how wonderful.

Well as you can see we made it through the first week together and look forward to many, many more.

Time Marches on...

It's a reasonable day, bright, not raining and the birds are chirping merrily in the background, so why am I so anxious today? Sitting here at my computer I am contemplating, what next for us? I feel lots of things are coming to an end and this is making me think more and more about the future, our future.

One of the ends is Baby Sensory. Yes it has finally come, we have to move on I think. We've had a good run and enjoyed every minute I can safely say. So, what next? What does the baby world hold in store for us now.

Well we're going to have a look at this thing called BabyGym, looks interesting and time is Marching on so we need to join in quickly. Issy will be coming up to 11 months old at the end of March and we will be fast approaching her 1st Birthday. What a momentous occasion!

For some reason I feel a little trepidation as well as joy at this point as Issy's Birthday also signals the impending approach of the dreaded return to work. Eek! Lots of mixed feelings about that of course. I know I am not alone with this, every parent has this ritual of anxiety, guilt and eventual release to go through. It just seemes to come so quickly. It really is true they grow up so fast.

So, the question is how to slow time down? The answer again is simple, as the Gallager brothers said, 'Be here now'. Stay in the moment and don't do what i am doing, don't dwell too much on the past or future, enjoy the present. That is what we shall do! I can't promise we won't slip a little however, the future sometimes does have a way of creeping up on you. It's you, not the future that does it, but you just can't help thinking about it.

What would you do just for the love of it?

It's funny how everything seems to be connected. We are connected to everything in a way, through touch, sound and sight; if we interact with something we have become connected with it. That's the way our world works, it really is that simple when you think about it, or at least that's how I see it. And today I have mostly been thinking about my world and what is going to happen to it in the future.

What brought this on I hear you ask? Well a visit to my brother with Isabella. We spent this afternoon or at least some of it at Bolton FM visiting my brother. The thing is he was working, but not at his what you would call a proper job, it is a second job, one he doesn't get paid for. Yes voluntary work. What he does is to ensure the behind the scenes IT technical stuff doesn't fail, to put it in layman's terms, and by jolly that's the only way I can put it. He loves radio and all that goes along with it he always has so he is willing to spend all day today working for nothing and probably going home quite late. That is dedication for you. Go figure.

This got me to thinking. What would I do and not get paid because I love it so much? A couple of answers did pop into my head, which I believe is the correct way to approach this, it's gotta come from the heart. Looking after Isabella, but that goes without saying, and no surprise in a way Gardening. I have often thought about giving some time in a voluntary capacity to clearing some land, planting trees or the best would be to work for a walled garden society, if they exist. I even planned on going on an English Heritage holiday once, but that was when I was single and it had ulterior motives as well. A girl has to try you know and when you're single sometimes the most obscure places are where you find the best men. Anyway, I digress of course.

I think in answering these questions it will help me in the future and I now believe that I am connected to the outcome as I have set this one in motion but only time will tell.

The question is what would you do just for the love of it?

Her we are at Bolton FM.

Here's the link to Bolton FM, the radio station my brother is so proud of: http://www.boltonfm.com/

The Wanderers Return

No I'm not talking about football but if you ask, yes I am a Bolton Wanderers fan for my sins, don't think I'll put Isabella through that, Tottenham for her as Daddy supports them, sorry Bolton.

I'm talking about our return from Darn Souf. We extended our visit to the Grandparents as it was so wonderful to be with them. They are after all Issy's only Grandparents now so we have to make the most of them and I can safely say we put them through their paces, and they were brilliant. Old hands you see at this, so another little one to look after is a piece of cake.

On my way there we sped along the roads at the speed of light, well as fast as my little car would travel safely, precious cargo on board an all that. Made it to Ramsgate in fabulous time and had a wonderful welcome when we arrived. Isabella being asleep most of the time, except when mummy was having a rant at middle lane drivers. Note to mummy must remember to have road rage quietly from now on.

So, we spent a wonderful eight days with Nanny and Grandad, Isabella's cousins and Aunt. It really does make a difference having family around. You should have seen Isabella's face in the mornings when Nanny and Grandad would appear, her little face would beam and give them her special little scrunchy face. It really did make my heart sing to see.

Well the eight days went with a blink of the eye so we set off home scrunchy face and me. Nanny and Grandad waved us off. I held onto the tears but as I went along the harbour front to say our last goodbyes to the boats that's when they came. It really is hard saying goodbye, but it's only for a little while as we'll see them again in April which isn't so far away. I give thanks everyday that they are here for Isabella.

So, it's just me and scrunchy face again during the week but we're going to enjoy our time and make sure we do as much as we can before I go back to work. Watch out, the wanderers will be off on their travels again before you know it.