Back to work it's a killer...

The saying I believe is 'All good things come to an end'. As with most mothers maternity leave is a thing I look back on fondly but from a distance. The time came for me to finally give in and stop taking holidays and go back to work. Today was a notable day in the diary, I'd been back to work long enough to have to change my password. This signifies I've been back a month. It feels like longer it's crazy how easy it is to feel like you never left, but still uneasy in a world of not knowing what's going on around you. It feels a bit like swimming in a sea of jelly beans I keep sinking to the bottom and they keep piling up on top of me. Good job I like jelly beans. I can eat my way to the surface.

What makes it even harder at times is that I chose to go back full time, with a bit of a compression. The decision was a very hard one but one I took at the time. The positive side to this is that I do feel like a person again and when I'm at work I even appear to have a brain, don't get me wrong I love being a mum but you do lose your faculties, especially in the beginning with all that sleep deprivation. The down side of the coin is that I hand my little girl over to other people and they have fun with her all day. Saying it like that makes it slightly easier and worse all at the same time.

The other issue you have as a working mum, is that you see all the other mum's that are spending time with their little ones, social networks have a lot to answer for, the jealousy is so great it sometimes overwhelms you. Then you feel guilty again for being a bad person. However, a wise lady told me, 'Never measure yourself by someone else and what they, have or do as we all have different needs and reasons for doing things and everyone feels guilty for something especially when they have a little one'. That really helped. NOT. Trying to be Zen like on this topic is near impossible.

So on I plod, happy that I have work in these difficult times but just slightly unhappy it is a little too much and even slightly unhappier that it is at price of not being with my daughter. She grows and changes every day, she is of course such a joy. Again I look to the future, now where is that Crystal Ball. Ah yes of course the Toy Box.

One Today!

The big day has finally arrived, my little girl is ONE today. Not the day we planned but a nice day never the less. We had planned to go to the Blue Planet Aquarium, but the best laid plans an all that.

This morning we woke up to find Isabella with more spots than a spotty dog. She was covered in them. The usual menigitus panic ensued, with the no ok we think it's not that. Could it be measles, eek! Call the doctor and get her in to find out what she does have.

We had breakfast and even shook a few maracas this morning, Issy's first present of the day. After breakfast we flew to the doctors to be told she has a virus and to give her rest. On her first birthday the poor little girl. Glad we had a weekend of birthday so this day wasn't so bad.

All in all we've had a lovely day with Isabella and she has enjoyed it I hope. She is a little under the weather but she doesn't stop smiling she is just wonderful. This time last year I was wondering what the heck do we do with her. Now I am wondering what the heck we did without her. It's all good and my little girl is the best thing on the planet. Fact! (Catch phrase of a good friend sure she won't mind me stealing it in this situation.)

So, here is a little dance Isabella prepared earlier, enjoy!

Blink of an eye

I first started out on this blog not really that long ago I was too tired in the early days to think or sometimes even speak, never mind write. The intention was to help other mothers of a more mature outlook get an inkling into motherhood. Then I suppose a year is a good time to assess how it has all gone.

As I stand here today, well sit really, I have to say it has been some of the best and most traumatic times of my life. A roller coaster isn't really on par with what a parent goes through on a daily basis in the first year of a childs life. You have to have fingernails the length of your forearm to hang on sometimes. All that being said, I would do it all again for Isabella to be here with us now and there have definitely been many more ups than downs.

Ups that come to mind. That first smile has got to be one of my favourite ones and a proper smile at that where they really engage you with their eyes this is the beginning of them really having character. The first crawl or bottom shuffle that was pretty amazing as you start to think eek they'll be walking soon. Then you only realise that everything seems to take an age after they first start something for them to really get the hang of it. Then the giggles, this really is a magical sound. When they are tickled or find something funny how can you not laugh and giggle along with them. Isabella is a real giggler especially when Daddy tips her upside down, Mummy of course has palpitations.

So much good stuff which enriches your life more than you can ever imagine. Then there is the other stuff. The sleepless nights. The strange nappies that seem to go bump in the night. The not eating. The eating but throwing it everywhere. The eating but only having a tiny bit and then wanting a tiny bit of all sorts of other things. The not sure what baby should be eating and when.

Then there's the mind field of baby proofing. Where to begin. Once they can move around that's when the fun starts. Cupboards, drawers, stairs, toilets, doors, bins, well anything really that little fingers can find. Things you never thought could be so interesting suddenly hit top of the interesting charts. Isabella's firm favourite the computer on off button. Distraction is one technique. Cardboard blockers for us was the only answer.

So just over a week away until my wonderful little girls first birthday and she has changed so much from that wee little bundle of joy. We have had the first steps in the last week on her own. she even managed them when her grandparents were here, how fabulous is that. We don't get to see them that often and she produced such magic for them. Then we've had the I am now going to start taking everything off the shelves and try to put it back on, of course not quite in the same way. Her sorting is definitely coming on a treat.

She is such a proper little person now no longer that little baby I first held in my arms. How time flies, it seems to have rushed past in the blink of an eye. Lets hope the next instalment takes a few more blinks as I don't want to miss a thing.

It's all Swings and Round a bouts or is it?

It's funny how you take for granted some of the things you think, say or even remember. I say this because only recently I was actually wrong in the way I was thinking. I was putting a lot of emphasis on the negatives and not focusing on the positives in life. It's hard when you're always tired I suppose but it's not nice for the person you're with. So Saturday I got snapped out of it very abruptly.

When someone tells you something and it makes an impact you know you've got to change. So from now on every time I think, say or even remember something it has to be in a positive way. I know as much as anyone else how important it is to be positive, but you slip into these bad habits. So, like a chocoholic fiend over the Easter weekend whose eaten themself silly, I'm going cold Turkey. Can't do without the chocolate so it's got to be gone with the negative thoughts. Lets see how I do.

The other thing I thought I knew but also didn't remember correctly is the word for the thing that goes round in the park. As we have little ones we've now started taking them to the playground. Upon a friend of mine saying something about Roundabouts not being Roundabouts, that they were actually called something else. For days we pondered what it could be. Is it so hard to remember anything these days. I lost my bank card for the second time in 2 weeks yesterday and thank goodness found it again today. So, still not functioning up to speed yet. Will I ever?

Anyway back to the Roundabout story. Of course I'd been doing the Internet Google thing but for some reason I wasn't getting the answer I was looking for. My friend was adamant it wasn't a Roundabout. So, there I was lay in bed and of course it popped into my head what it was called. I texted my friend immediately this sort of thing can drive you batty you know. Doh, of course. The answer was simple, but I have to say, I had to say it to myself a couple of times in my head before I was convinced it was right, it just seems such a strange word.

Anyway, I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about but Zebbedde might disagree. If you don't I'll add it to the title of my next blog. So see you then.

Bidding on Ebay

As my little ones birthday approaches I have been trying to be thrifty in the ways I am obtaining some of her birthday presents. In part this is due to me taking longer off work than we previously had planned, so the belt is not only being tightened in our house, it's well and truly being squeezed.

Isabella is now venturing into the world of nearly walking. Yes it won't be long, she is standing straight up and sitting back down quite at will. Careering around the living room with her Vtech walker and banging into me, the couch, the wall, pretty much everything and protesting if she is not walked around constantly. Very tiring for the back you know.

So, I have decided she needs things to get her mobile and moving, mainly to keep her busy and me sane. Not a sit in walker as that seems a bit late and in her case dangerous. Obviously the park is free but it's not in my back garden. By the way she still thinks grass is evil stuff put upon this planet just to upset her. I do hope she grows out of it. I have yet to try her on sand, I can't imagine what  a kerfuffle we'll have then. I blame Steve my partner. Brought up by the beach he hates sand and sea, prefering to be indoors. His parents said he never liked the grass or sand when he was little. How can this be? Oh Lordy!

This has led me to the world of E-bay, what an intruiging yet dark and desolate place. I started watching things, I have now stopped watching things, I started bidding on things, I kept bidding on things. I can definately say if I keep this up I may need help, but phew I have recognised I have a problem already. Thank goodness for self will and discipline of ones own mind. Just a minute I've just got to check on the slide i'm bidding on. Aaaah see isn't she pretty.

A Special Day

Only one month to go and I have been thinking about my little ones big day, Isabella will be a big round fat one! Well her age will she is more of a slight petite thing really. Of course we are buying her presents and having a cake, we weren't sure quite how to celebrate this day or what the done thing is. Well we've decided to invite a few relatives but that's all. Issy won't mind she won't even know and I'm all for low key. It is going to be stressful enough in the future when she wants pony rides and bouncy castles and well you think of it and I'm sure she'll want it, whether she gets it that's of course another story. So for now it's going to be a nice but quiet affair. We do get to have a little party that way and it won't just slip by like nothing has happened. Lets cross our fingers for a sunny day so we can have a barbecue.

On another slant regarding her birthday. The day she arrived last year. The day my life changed forever. I have found a few things that relate to her birthday for fun. So here they are:

A special day: 30th  April                                                                                                                                                                 

On this day:

1958: Anne Frank's Diary was first published in English
1982: Kirsten Dunst, American actress, was born
1995:Bill Clinton became the first American President to visit Northern Ireland

Horoscope

Taurus is the second sign of the zodiac. It runs from 21 April to 21 May. It is an Earth sign, represented by the Bull

Characteristics of Taurus : Affectionate, Reliable, Ambitious, Practical & Patient

Birthstone (Modern)

Diamond

Birthstone (Mystical)

Opal

Birthstone (Ayurvedic)

Diamond

Birth Flower

Daisy

World Holidays

Emperor's Birthday in Japan

Saint's Day

Catherine of Siena - Patron Saint of Fire Prevention

So Issy shares the Emperor's birthday and has a Daisy for a flower. How cute!

Here is the link so you can have a look at your little ones special day trivia:
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/horoscopes/

Grass is evil stuff!

What a glorious day here in the Northern Hemisphere and in particular the North West region of the UK. The reason I mention it was so nice today was it allowed me to cut the grass and Isabella to move out into the garden for the first time since winter.

I had managed to cut the grass earlier while Isabella had been sleeping. You have never seen anything like it in your life. Lets just say my lawnmower is old but I'm reluctant to part with it as it's the one I got off my dad. It does make me sweat though as it's not the easiest beast to move around the garden.

The outcome of the hard work did have a pay off. Once Isabella was awake we ventured out onto my lovely lawn. I sat madam down and patted the grass showing her how lovely it was to be sat on grass and expected her just to crawl straight to me. Would Isabella touch the grass not on your nelly. She would put her hand clost to it and then pull away as if she'd been burned by a fire. How funny. I couldn't help laugh. She was so freaked out by this spikey evil green stuff. She would look at me and then at the grass.

Of course she'd never been out on grass before and I'd just plonked her on it expecting her to think it was ok. I thought well if I take your socks off you can feel it that way and that will be easier. To my astonishment as I did she lifted her legs in the air and just kept them there with her bottom on the grass. In a sort of Boat Yoga pose. What a sight to see. This little baby looking at me, holding her arms and legs up so as not to touch this evil green grass. It was so funny she wasn't upset just mystified by this stuff. I did eventually get her to touch it. I think we will try again tomorrow. We need a bit more work where grass is concerned.

You forget sometimes just how strange things must seem to a small baby when they come into contact with something new for the first time. I hadn't really given it a second thought but I suppose we have been in hibernation over the winter so why would Isabella have any idea about the feeling of grass. So many things to discover what a fabulous time we are going to have discovering them together.